You might say I was hopeless. No matter how hard I tried, I was never able to convince people I was hip. It seemed that regardless of how many obscure references I made or how “poor” I dressed, the hipsters wouldn’t accept me as one of their own.
Things changed a bit when I saw a deal of the day for a Hipster Panda T-Shirt. It was made of 100% jersey knit cotton and I could choose between crew neck and V-neck style. When I got it, I marveled at the softness and quality of the shirt, putting it on immediately. I checked myself in the mirror, disheveled my hair a bit and headed out to see the hipsters.
“Hey guys! What do you think of my new shirt?” I asked them.
What ensued after that was a full 10 minutes of the group insulting my taste in fashion. I nearly broke down crying, but during the barrage I decided I didn’t actually like hipsters and didn’t care what they thought anymore.
I didn’t see them again for a while, but when I did I couldn’t believe it: one of them was wearing a Hipster Panda T-Shirt. They were bragging about how it cost them $29.99 and that it was super soft. Despite my pledge to ignore them, I decided to go in for the kill.
“Hey,” I said sternly. “I wore that shirt before it was cool, and since it was a giveaway of the day I only paid $4.99.”
Suddenly, I was king of the hipsters. Awesome.
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